Pretty Muddy Dresses

Thunder rolling in my ears

Keeping time with my scrambling feet

Loose rocks threaten a fall

Unheeded by my broken heart

What does it matter if something else gets broken

I've already swallowed enough poison

To turn my skin purple and bruised

I find the path scattered in my blurred vision

Taking it like an old friend

Daily escapes stolen along this way

There is a point of safety, far enough along

Where most would give up the search

Far enough for the anger to fade

Switch thrown away and vows for another day

I finally make it to the steep stream bed

Grabbing fast to the sapling, hurling over the edge

It bends and cracks but bears the tug

'Just one more time' it seems to scold me

For lingering where the pain is--too often, too long

Heaving chest, back against the wall

Praying my hiding place won't betray me

Minutes and seconds go slowly by

Finally safe from chasing demons with red hair

Sinking down to sit in the smelly silt

Not yet dry from last week's rain

The cold wet soaks into me

Holding me there in silent disgust

Hiding in the mud like a crawdad

Backpedaling into its safe, dark holes

Quietness is all around me

Shivers race down my neck--what if it isn't true

Just a good sneak upon?

More time flows slowly past

It's now three large brown leaves past my shadow

Still. I stay still, just for assurance

Head bowed against the unforgiving light

Cornflower blue with white daisies

Run my fingernails along the seam

Beauty was a long time ago, ages ago

Mindlessly plucking at the strings

Trying to reason things out, mindless fingers

Pulling until it snaps, finally

Then working at getting it laid out flat again

So I don't lose the pretty thing

That covers my ugly scars